May Half Marathon

Warning : This Blog post contains partial nudity, profane language and a lot of disjointed sentences.  Reader discretion is advised.  Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

For the second consecutive month Strava is going to give me a DNF on my monthly Half Marathon challenge.  I ran the full distance, unlike April when I only ran 21k instead of 21.1k. that Strava was looking for.  Well.. I think I ran the full distance.   I was only  a few kilometers into my run when Garmin indicated that it had a low battery.  Damn! There is nothing worse than a dead Garmin on a long run.  I hoped it would at least last until the halfway turnaround spot so I would know that I got the distance right.

Tapering : My run Streak has taken me  every day for the past 543 days,  so it can be a challenge to Taper.   This week I ran short distances, mostly 2k’s at an Easy Pace.  Last night was Group Run so I stayed at the back of the pack for a gentle 6k.

Fuel:  I have returned to Good eating habits and it is making a difference in how I feel.  Breakfast was  a Fuel To Go muffin.  (I made them last night)  and a banana with Greek yogurt.   I am still experimenting with fuel on my long runs and today I took honey candy with me.  My daughter bought them a few weeks ago, thinking they were cough drops.

Hydration : Same old story.  Don’t drink enough water regularly.  Maybe I will eventually figure this out.

Rest:  Not much.  I worked at 4 am the day before.  Only an hour earlier than usual but it messed up my sleep pattern.

Weather: hot and humid.  I usually wilt when the weather is this hot. Today was no exception.

When I run I talk to myself.  This is how the conversation went.

1k – Start off nice and slow.  This is not a race, it’s just a training run

2k.  okay, two down. 19 to go.                                                                                                          Garmin. low battery.. What? you can’t die on a Long Run! that would be catastrophic.

3k. Damn, It’s hot. Must. Keep.Going.  I hope Garmin doesn’t die.

4k. Fuck, it’s hot! I’ll stop for a Walk at 10k. I hope Garmin doesn’t die.  Please don’t die until at least halfway so I’ll know I got the distance right.

5k.  I’m not even halfway to Halfway.   5 more km. until my Walk Break. Garmin still alive. Please don’t die.

6k.  uh.. this is the end of the trail.? ( I had never gone all the way on this trail, and I thought it was 10k) ** begins doing math to calculate the distance that would have to be retraced thrice.  21-12 =8.   oh wait, no .. it equals 9.  Spends the next kilometer reworking this calculation before finally concluding that I would continue to run back on the trail for 4.5 km and then turn around and then run back to the far end of the trail and then turn around again and run back to the car.

7k.  Is this Garmin measuring in miles instead kilometers?  I am sure I have gone at least 10k by now.

I might as well run 10.5k before taking a break.  It’s only another half a kilometre.   2.5 km to go.  I can do this.

7.5k . I hope Garmin battery lasts until at least Halfway.  Walk Break at 10.5k, that’s only 2 km away.

8k.  I need to Pee.  I haven’t seen anyone on this remote stretch of trail for at least 20 minutes. I am sure there is no one around. I am not going to fight through this dense forest for privacy, I will just lean against this tree beside the trail.  ** squats and eliminates 3 ounces of urine. *** Damn, I must be dehydrated. And, where did those 2 ladies come from? . I wonder if they saw me? Fuck it, I don’t care. ** steps onto trail , looks them directly in the eye and offers a cheery Good Morning . ***

8.5k  Geez…I did the math wrong!  I still  have 2k to go before my Walk break. My math skills suck! Dammit!  Garmin, please don’t die.

9k.  There is a sign that says 1.5 km to Mill Road crossing; Perfect.  That is where I will turn around.  9 +1.5 = 10.5. ( repeat several times just to be sure. ) 10.5 is Halfway. That is where I will turn around. At Mill Road crossing I will take a Walk Break.  I can do it. Almost there. Just 10 minutes more.

10k.  Garmin, stay with me.  Don’t die. Just make it Halfway and I’m okay with that.

10.35 k. I’m gonna make it, just up over this little knoll , touch the Stop Sign and you are there.  Halfway turnaround.. I can see you.  And you are exactly 10.5.  My math was right.

At Stop Sign: Whew! Made it. Garmin, where are you?  Dammit, Garmin died.  But at least I know that I just have to retrace my steps and I will be at 21k.  . But Strava won’t know that I did a Half Marathon and that sucks.

Walk break. Fuel with Honey Candy.   I have decided to Walk / |Run the rest of the way. It’s not like Strava is going to know how fast I ran anyway.

20160525_122358Ouch. Wearing a Tank top and my arm is chaffed where it rubs against the arm opening. Ow.. that really hurts.  And it’s hot.  It is Bloody Hot. It seems like a good idea to take my shirt off and run in my Sports Bra.  It’s not like it’s indecent.  I have bathing suits that are more revealing. And no one is around.   Ahhh. that is better.  Much better.

I need to tan and tone my Abs.

I can feel my Back Fat jiggling.  I wonder if anyone will see?  F’em!

Gentle rain begins to fall.  It feels glorious. !  I feel fresh and alive. Raindrops falling on my skin … and there is a lot of skin exposed…. I should run semi naked in the rain more often.

I should do one of those Nude Runs sometime.

Is it the honey or the rain that makes me feel so energized. I could run forever! Now I know what a wilted flower feels like when it rains.

BOOM!  uh oh. Thunder! Judging by the trail markers  I am probably 5km from my car, running in the opposite direction.  What to do?  Cut the run short? Keep going?

BOOM! BOOM..!  okay,  I can take a hint.  I grew up on a farm and have seen enough dead cows to know that lightning can be deadly.  I am going to be about 2k short of my goal. But if I keep running I could be struck dead by lightning.  Tough choice..  DNF or die?  Technically Death is a DNF ….  Diane, you are rambling.  Get your ass turned around and get back to the car.

The return to the car was a blur. No, really.  It was raining so hard that I couldn’t see. But it was exhilarating. On the way back I met another runner and he didn’t recoil at the sight of my pasty white dimpled Abs.  Or maybe he couldn’t see through the pouring rain either.

By the time I got back to the car the thunder had subsided but I could still hear it in the distance.  I decided to run for an additional 15 minutes around the parking lot just to be sure I got that 2k in.  Done.  Not sure of actual distance but I am going to call it 21.1k.  Strava doesn’t agree.  Strava thinks I did 10.4k.

Soaking wet with no clothes to change into.  Then I remembered my gym bag in the trunk.  Yes.. dry shirt and pants.  Changing out of wet clothes is like getting out of a strait jacket. Especially the sports bra! Thank goodness for fogged up windows.

15 minute drive home and then the skies opened up and let us have it with furious rain. Thunder crashed all around.

20160525_165556-1 (2)Perfect weather for Napping.

If you stuck with me this far, you are either really bored or really confused and are just trying to make sense of this disjointed rambling blog.

Thank you for staying with me until the end.

Here to Long Runs and Afternoon Naps.













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